Moving On
10/14/2015
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My plan was to move forward, no matter how slowly that meant, as long as I was moving forward.
For me, that meant changing almost every area of my life. This is much easier said than done.
I did not have the magic pill "do this and you will improve". Recovery is not a one-size-fits-all scenario. What worked for me may not work for others and vice versa. In summary though, trying to create balance, despite all the chaos within my body, my life and my world, worked wonders.
I worked (and continue to work) every single day to create and keep balance in my life. While it's getting easier, it's not always easy seeing as life likes to get in the way.
Keeping balance despite the chaos.
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What now?
10/13/2015
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As my illness got worse, I needed to find ways to just get through my day and quite frankly, just cope. I was so sick, with no apparent reasons why. I was sleeping 15 - 20 hours per day. The hours I was awake were very limited (getting from the bed to the chair was a major undertaking).
I thought I was dying. I really did and thought it was just a matter of time before some Dr. or Specialist would find out I had a terminal illness. However, Dr. after Dr. could not find anything wrong.
Looking after my family became impossible with meal preparation being the worst. I'd always prepared our food from scratch but now, it was whatever frozen thing I could find to shove in the oven. Sometimes, I was just too ill to even get up to do that, so the duty fell on to my daughter.
Cleanup was sometimes out of the question and sometimes doable but only with a rest after supper. More than once, my husband woke me up at 11:00 telling me I needed to get ready for bed. As I tried to protest saying I needed to do the dishes, he'd tell me our eldest son had taken care of that (and...I am usually a light sleeper but didn't hear a thing as I slept through him washing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen!)
I gave up on house cleaning. Another chore the kids and my husband had to take over. It wasn't up to my standard, but I had to let that all go and be thankful for their help.
Everything else went out the window too -- grocery shopping, laundry, outside work, financial stuff...all of it outsourced to my family. I would have given anything to have had some outside help -- a meal or two would have been so wonderful -- but, there was none forthcoming, so my family had to pick up the slack and move forward. What they were unable to do got left behind and for awhile I seriously wondered if we would be able to hold things together.
We were spiraling downward, that's for sure. Because of our poor diet, my body did not have the nutrients it needed to heal, which in turn made things within my body, worse. I could feel this, but did not have the energy to get out of bed, let alone stand in the kitchen long enough to prepare any food, let alone anything nutritious.
I needed to crawl out of this deep hole I found myself in (and getting in deeper and deeper by the day) but with each passing day, I had to put more things off and as I had less and less energy to deal with it. I felt like I was drowning in my own life but couldn't get my head above water long enough to breathe. It was a horrible feeling.
Not only was there no help forthcoming, there were those in my church (at the time) who felt I wasn't doing a satisfactory enough of a job with my children. I heard about this, in a big way. It felt like such a betrayal and was so difficult to deal with on top of my illness and all that went along with that.
I knew I needed to find a strategy and make a plan. I had no idea what this plan would look like or how I'd muster up the energy to do it, but I knew I needed to do something so I could....
Find Balance, despite the chaos.
0 CommentsLife Lessons Learned7/25/2015
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Life Lessons Learned
If there has been a bright side to my illnesses, it would be what it's taught me. Before illness, I was juggling the chaos, which is much different than balancing it.
Through the face of illness, I learned:
Remember, I loved details. I thrived on details. The more details there were to work through, juggle and remember, the better I liked it. I saw this as a challenge and it was such a rush for me when I conquered all the details.
Then mayhem struck. Deaths to deal with. Homes to pack up and move out (all within short deadlines). Cross country moves to do. Deadline after deadline. Messy situation after messy situation. Then came illness. Debilitating, life-changing, chronic illness.
It was a tough lesson to learn, but circumstances ensured I learned the lesson nonetheless. At first I was an unwilling participant in this class on life, but once again, circumstances soon changed that as well. When I finally stopped fighting it and went with it instead, it was freeing. Oh so freeing. This too was a long process....ongoing as a matter of fact, but still freeing.
As I learned to balance my life, the chaos that had become my life, I started to regain my life. It had changed, big time, but getting it back was a welcome thing. This is an ongoing process for me, but I'm finding peace in Balance, Despite the Chaos.
0 Comments
10/14/2015
0 Comments
My plan was to move forward, no matter how slowly that meant, as long as I was moving forward.
For me, that meant changing almost every area of my life. This is much easier said than done.
I did not have the magic pill "do this and you will improve". Recovery is not a one-size-fits-all scenario. What worked for me may not work for others and vice versa. In summary though, trying to create balance, despite all the chaos within my body, my life and my world, worked wonders.
I worked (and continue to work) every single day to create and keep balance in my life. While it's getting easier, it's not always easy seeing as life likes to get in the way.
Keeping balance despite the chaos.
0 Comments
What now?
10/13/2015
0 Comments
As my illness got worse, I needed to find ways to just get through my day and quite frankly, just cope. I was so sick, with no apparent reasons why. I was sleeping 15 - 20 hours per day. The hours I was awake were very limited (getting from the bed to the chair was a major undertaking).
I thought I was dying. I really did and thought it was just a matter of time before some Dr. or Specialist would find out I had a terminal illness. However, Dr. after Dr. could not find anything wrong.
Looking after my family became impossible with meal preparation being the worst. I'd always prepared our food from scratch but now, it was whatever frozen thing I could find to shove in the oven. Sometimes, I was just too ill to even get up to do that, so the duty fell on to my daughter.
Cleanup was sometimes out of the question and sometimes doable but only with a rest after supper. More than once, my husband woke me up at 11:00 telling me I needed to get ready for bed. As I tried to protest saying I needed to do the dishes, he'd tell me our eldest son had taken care of that (and...I am usually a light sleeper but didn't hear a thing as I slept through him washing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen!)
I gave up on house cleaning. Another chore the kids and my husband had to take over. It wasn't up to my standard, but I had to let that all go and be thankful for their help.
Everything else went out the window too -- grocery shopping, laundry, outside work, financial stuff...all of it outsourced to my family. I would have given anything to have had some outside help -- a meal or two would have been so wonderful -- but, there was none forthcoming, so my family had to pick up the slack and move forward. What they were unable to do got left behind and for awhile I seriously wondered if we would be able to hold things together.
We were spiraling downward, that's for sure. Because of our poor diet, my body did not have the nutrients it needed to heal, which in turn made things within my body, worse. I could feel this, but did not have the energy to get out of bed, let alone stand in the kitchen long enough to prepare any food, let alone anything nutritious.
I needed to crawl out of this deep hole I found myself in (and getting in deeper and deeper by the day) but with each passing day, I had to put more things off and as I had less and less energy to deal with it. I felt like I was drowning in my own life but couldn't get my head above water long enough to breathe. It was a horrible feeling.
Not only was there no help forthcoming, there were those in my church (at the time) who felt I wasn't doing a satisfactory enough of a job with my children. I heard about this, in a big way. It felt like such a betrayal and was so difficult to deal with on top of my illness and all that went along with that.
I knew I needed to find a strategy and make a plan. I had no idea what this plan would look like or how I'd muster up the energy to do it, but I knew I needed to do something so I could....
Find Balance, despite the chaos.
0 CommentsLife Lessons Learned7/25/2015
0 Comments
Life Lessons Learned
If there has been a bright side to my illnesses, it would be what it's taught me. Before illness, I was juggling the chaos, which is much different than balancing it.
Through the face of illness, I learned:
- How to identify what is the most important tasks in my day
- To only deal with the *really* important stuff
- To let the little stuff go (and most of it is "little" ! )
- Everything will work out in the end, despite not tending to every little detail
- How to find Balance, Despite The Chaos (still learning and fine-tuning this one! )
Remember, I loved details. I thrived on details. The more details there were to work through, juggle and remember, the better I liked it. I saw this as a challenge and it was such a rush for me when I conquered all the details.
Then mayhem struck. Deaths to deal with. Homes to pack up and move out (all within short deadlines). Cross country moves to do. Deadline after deadline. Messy situation after messy situation. Then came illness. Debilitating, life-changing, chronic illness.
It was a tough lesson to learn, but circumstances ensured I learned the lesson nonetheless. At first I was an unwilling participant in this class on life, but once again, circumstances soon changed that as well. When I finally stopped fighting it and went with it instead, it was freeing. Oh so freeing. This too was a long process....ongoing as a matter of fact, but still freeing.
As I learned to balance my life, the chaos that had become my life, I started to regain my life. It had changed, big time, but getting it back was a welcome thing. This is an ongoing process for me, but I'm finding peace in Balance, Despite the Chaos.
0 Comments