As I mentioned in my previous post,

I've found a new practitioner.   Many

things about these Doctors caught

my interest which ultimately

convinced me to ​give them a try.   

                     



                            For instance: 

• They classify themselves as holistic chiropractors  
• Their thoughts on diet line up perfectly with my current diet which is working very well for me
• They had a bit of a rough journey with their own health so am hoping this translates into understanding of ME

     
      I am a bit concerned with their stance on exercise, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.  

    I eagerly returned to their office, to obtain the results from my scans.  This appointment wasn't quite as long as the intake one, but still very thorough. 

​     As expected, things were a mess.  It was actually refreshing to see on paper, how I feel.  This may not be huge for many, but with ME, having something show up on a test is a reason to celebrate.  Many parts of my autonomic nervous system were out of whack.  My spine was extremely out of alignment.   

    So there you have it folks.  Lots of work ahead of me but I am excited to see if it brings any improvement to my symptoms!!  

                   As Always ..

                                  Balance......Despite the Chaos!

    
     Do you ever feel living with a chronic illness means also having a 'secret' life?  
One life which is 'acceptable' and the other which is not?  

The acceptable life you're allowed to share with others and the other one, well it must be kept almost secret?


         I sure do and find it extremely frustrating  !!!

     Unfortunately, the acceptable life, the one I can share the events and happenings of, the one people are willing to accept, is the not the real one.   It is the one made up of carefully planned events -- one next week, another the week after that, etc. These are not large events either -- perhaps a family gathering or even just a trip to the grocery store.  Things most people do without any thought or even on their way home from work.   I, on the other hand, must carefully and purposefully plan these events and then plan for these. This acceptable life, is the one I must give the absolute best version of me that I am able to give (and sometimes even then, it doesn't pass as acceptable).  In order for this to happen, in the days leading up to the event, I must conserve my energy, I must be on top of my diet and supplements and I must schedule lots of rests, especially the day before.

     I must work throughout the event too, continuing to conserve my energy while there -- not moving around too much and staying well within my energy envelope, at all costs.  It doesn't end there either because I need to plan a complete day of rest after the event, to recover from the event and to ward off a complete crash that could land me in bed for days or weeks. This is when I return to my bed and begin entry back into my secret life.  

     The secret  life is my real life and the real me.  This is the one my immediate family gets to see.  It's secret because, it's the one that nobody else sees or more accurately, the one they don't want to see, the one they refuse to see, the one they refuse to acknowledge exists.    

     If it were only a few people, groups etc.,  it would be easy to circumnavigate around them. It's not though, it spans across all groups of people -- friends, extended family, co-workers, neighbours -- the list goes on.  I can't even get a Dr. to see the real life I live.  Their outright refusal to learn about, understand or care what I go through speaks volumes. (This goes for a lot of us with chronic illness).

       Did I mention this is frustrating?  If I wasn't so ill and in so much pain, I may try to make it bearable by getting into my "secret life".  Perhaps I'd have a cape and a mask and go through all sorts of exciting adventures....  

          ...  But I don't.

     There is no cape, no mask, no exciting adventures -- only getting through each day the best I can.  Even on the good days, the one I've planned for and feel I've had success with, quite often seem to look different to others, like they actually belong in that secret life, rather than the acceptable one. 

        I had one such day recently.  I was giving my very best "performance", being the best version of me I could that day, one that I'd prepared for the very best I could.  It obviously wasn't up to their standard though. I wasn't doing as much as some of them thought I should and I came under their harsh judgement for not doing enough.  They saw me sitting in the chair (what I was really doing, was saving and stretching my energy).  They complained I wasn't doing enough, that I should be up helping, doing more.  They did not care what I had gone through just to get to that point.  No, *that* part is for my secret life, the one they refuse to acknowledge or discuss.  

      I know I am not alone as everyone who lives with chronic illness lives through these things.  It's a way of life for us and we do the best we can do with it all.  

      I do have a message for these folks though, the folks who have chronically ill people in their life but for whatever reason can't or refuse to see what they go through.

             It's time to wake up folks!!!  It's time to pull your head
             out of the sand!!!    It's time to look around and truly see
             the 'secret lives' your loved ones are living.  Please know,
             we are NOT lazy.  We do the absolute best we can do
             and then some.  Please take a few moments to really
             understand our whole life and what we go through daily.  
            Hopefully none of you ever have to endure what we
             do -- we wouldn't wish that on our worst enemies -- but
                a little understanding goes a long way!!

        Working hard to keep the

                    Balance.....Despite the Chaos!

    I recently read a blog post someone had shared.  It resonated with this person's current life situation and so they shared it.  As I read through it, I realized that while it spoke to this person and of this person, it did not take into account the greater audience of them.  

     I struggle, constantly, with others' expectations of me -- what they feel I should be doing for me, for my family, for my church, for my community and what I am actually capable of doing.  It's a constant struggle between doing enough, explaining (and having them understand!) why I can't do more and even having them even acknowledge I am chronically ill and keeping my health in check.    

      I would like to tell these people -- Please understand.  I need to take care of me, so that I am well enough to care for my family.  If I don't care for my family, nobody else will.  Not the people of my community, not the people of my church....nobody.  I learned this the hard way and believe me, it was a hard lesson to learn.

      So, I am sorry - not sorry if you feel we do not live up to your expectations of what we should be doing.  Perhaps a change of perspective and a clear, unobstructed look into our lives would help you better understand?  I'm not sure but suffice to say, chronically ill people are doing more, a lot more, than anyone realizes.  Many times, they still extend themselves above and beyond what they are physically capable of.  It may not look or feel that way but believe me, it is.  

      Moving forward to Balance....Despite the Chaos!