Don't do it!
In the name of moving forward, don't do it!
Easier said than done, I know!
However, that being said, don't get caught up in "The Blame Game".
When things go wrong or have gone wrong, the tendency is to play "The Blame Game".
That list of people we blame for our situation can--- and quite often does-- include everyone from the mailman to ourselves and everyone in between. Recently, I've even seen a certain Hollywood Celebrity blaming a certain politician for making her gain weight! OK then!!!
The should-haves / could haves / would haves/ if onlys ....
It's a case of being caught on that proverbial, never-ending wheel. Round and round it goes. No beginning, no end, no way to get off.
Enter the blame game as we identify all kinds of things which have gone wrong and put us where we are.
Thoughts such as (but not limited to):
- My parents should have done things differently......
- The church should have reached out to me.....
- I should have gotten that promotion.....
- People should have helped me out more.....
- If only I went to a different school.....
- I should have done it this way....
- The politician made me gain weight
On and on it goes....
and we become stuck on that wheel with no idea how to get off. It's not that we don't want to get off, to move forward, because we do. We just have no idea how to.
Sound familiar? I know it does for me.
Now, these reasons may very well be true (all except for the politician causing the celebrity to gain weight. I still can't get over that one lol).
We shouldn't deny these things were done to us. We shouldn't minimize their effect on us. On the contrary. It's important for us to acknowledge these things, the wrongs that were done to us and the emotions that followed.
However, it's equally as important, if not more important to move forward beyond them. Forward we must go. After all, getting stuck in the continual rut of these hurts, provides absolutely no benefit to us and in fact pulls us down causing further decline. Yes, they were hurtful. Yes, I worked so hard and should have gotten that promotion. Yes, the church should have least called to see how I was. Yes, all these things are absolutely true, however, dwelling on them:
- does not change the past
- does not undo those things
- does not improve my situation
- does not help me when I am sick
- does not make my load any lighter or easier to carry.
- does not cause the people who hurt me, to be sorry or concerned they caused the hurt in the first place (they still don't care!!)
It makes it worse by upsetting us all over again (can you say round two?). By continuing to let it bother us, it lets them win even further. It lets them steal our joy and it wastes our energy (energy which could be better used on moving forward.)
We need to take responsibility for ourselves. We need to turn our negatives into positives. That first step forward is usually the hardest, no matter how small it is, but necessary.
The how we do this, looks different for everyone. Perhaps we need to take a step back from the friendship, group or relationship until we can work through it. Perhaps we need to put some boundaries in place. Perhaps we can help others who were in our situation -- knowing how it felt to be there and not wanting others to have to experience what we did. Perhaps we can see the non-promotion is a sign it's time to look for a new job (who knows, a better position may be on our doorstep and without the knock of not getting the promotion, we'd never had the inkling to even look).
Whatever our situation is, while it is not be the situation of choice, we must learn to move forward through it!
What are some ways you've found helpful in this endeavour?
Moving forward to keep the
Balance....despite the chaos!!
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